As my late husband's 74th birthday approaches, so many emotions come tumbling out when I least expect. I have been riding the bus to my job, and each time I board the bus, I am reminded of a silly thing he used to say; "A guy gets on the bus and asks the bus driver, "Does this bus go to-da-loop?" The bus driver says, "No, this one just goes beep-beep." Not that funny, but to me, the memory of Dick speaking these words, and his facial expressions, makes me double over with laughter!
It has been the longest and toughest 15 months of my adult life. For those who say "it will get easier with time", that has not happened yet. It has gotten more and more difficult to adapt to a life without the person I loved most in the world. The heat; the long hours at work for not-enough-pay; the bills; the transportation issues; the flare-ups of fibromyalgia and arthritis because of the heat and the emotional stress; they all have taken a toll this summer. I am reminded, during those days in which I question my purpose in this life, of the words of Joel Osteen, whom I happened, by accident, (or not) to catch on television one Sunday morning. I have never believed in "accidents", or in coincidences. I have always believed that coincidences were God's way of remaining anonymous.
On one particular Sunday, I turned on the television, mostly for noise in the background, as I made my coffee in the all-too-quiet house. I had been using every single fiber of my being to remain positive during the prior week, and had missed two days work because I caught some kind of virus that make my limbs feel like they weighed 200 pounds each; fever and chills, etc. I began to have irrational thought patterns, asking myself "why do I work myself into complete exhaustion, only to get a paycheck that barely covers the transportation cost and one or two bills each month?" Suddenly, I heard a voice from the other room..."You have battle fatigue! Don't talk about the way you feel - - - talk about how you want to be (Isaiah 40:31) Don't give up before the miracle. Give God praise and He will renew your strength!"
I thought to myself, "How could this man know exactly what I was thinking at the precise moment I was thinking the thought?"
He continued, "God will not give you tomorrow's strength today...worry drains my passion, energy, hope and vision.....one more day is manageable! Quit looking at the next two miles and look how far you have come!"
How did this guy do this???? Is he some sort of magician??? Yet, he continued to follow my thought patterns and answer each doubt I had!!
"You are in a difficult season...remind yourself God has SET AN END TO EACH STRUGGLE, and you can give it all you've got just one more day!"
"Keep believing, keep doing your best." "If you will faint not, you will receive your reward. You have been armed with strength for every battle."
As Joel Osteen wrapped up his sermon, I realized there indeed are not coincidences........God sends us the good news when we most need to hear his promises. I pulled myself up, dusted myself off, and vowed to keep plugging away at what I was doing, until I heard God's direction for me change. Sometimes, even though we do not feel like we are doing enough, we are doing just as we should be doing.
"God has given you the grace for the season you are in. God wouldn't give you obstacles you cannot handle to receive your reward. When you are tired; the battle has lasted longer than you thought; you want to give up; DON'T!!! When the intensity turns up, you are close to giving birth to a new season in your life. Press past feelings of weariness. Your greatest vicgtories are in your future. Press past the depression, the pain. God has SET AN END to them. God will allow difficulties to stretch our spiritual energy. When you get close to your miracle, things get tough. Press on!! God is waiting with your reward."
My greatest lesson from this:
Don't let a temporary feeling cause you to miss out on a permanent blessing.
